DAY 11 - February 13, 2019
Well, it started this morning on the radio talking about Valentine’s Day. You should do this for your spouse. You should do this for your boyfriend or girlfriend. I was gagging a bit.
The funny thing at school was a bunch of boys came and sat at my desk and said, “Ms. Holzman, what is the point of Valentine’s Day?” Ms. Holzman is thinking to torture the likes of me! What I said, however was, “It is a holiday that is really nice if you have someone to share it with! Pause. “I guess.”
Then this afternoon, I went to the market. It looked like ALL the Valentine’s Day decorations in the State of Ohio were in my Kroger store. It smacked me in the face! HARD! That is truthfully, when it bugged me the most. I almost went directly to the ice cream aisle to buy every chip flavor that Graeter’s makes…but I held back!
Valentine’s Day has always been hard for me. “I was never a girl that dreamt about her wedding, but, like I said, I have always been a hopeless romantic. My first crush, I think I was 5. He was a tennis player from Chile. He was on the tennis tour before the tennis tour was HUGE and the players were celebrities. I remember my dad talking to him and I was entranced AT FIVE! If I told you why…you would never, ever look at me the same way again. I remember being this little kid wrapped around my dad’s legs and peeking around them to look into this man’s eyes. He had a head of curly hair and I was in love! Consequently, our age difference was quite substantial. It didn’t go anywhere!
I watched romantic movies, I read romance novels, and I dated here and there but NO ONE was ever around on Valentine’s Day! My serious college boyfriend was in Boston. I was in Orono, Maine. He sent roses, but we didn’t get to have a proper date. It was a weekday at college. We were in two separate states. Facetime had yet to be invented or the internet for that matter.
I went on one other Valentine’s Day date but I had no interest in the guy and half way through the meal I regretted saying yes. At the end of the night, he leaned over to kiss me and I turned cheek on him.
Then it was just a lot of dinners with friends. One of my guy friend’s and I used to exchange dirty Valentine’s Day cards until he got married. My friend Jules in Indy and I would meet halfway between Indy and Cincy for dinner, but the weather became questionable and I am a chicken driving in snow and ice so that quickly stopped.
I went to dinner last year with a friend visiting from the West coast. He and I went either the week before or the week after V-Day and the restaurant was decorated for the holiday so that was my Valentine’s Day dinner just not on the actual holiday. It was a wonderful evening.
So…my Valentine’s Day history is ordinary. Nothing good, nothing bad, but for a romantic like me it has SUCKED!!!
Then I had this very serious boyfriend. The first Valentine’s Day he was having back surgery so we couldn’t be together. Before the surgery, he got me a great card and I think we celebrated after the holiday. The second year when it came to Valentine’s Day, we went to dinner. I was going through breast cancer. My hair was starting to come back, but it looked like stubble. He was treating me terribly. He flat out could not deal with me being sick and when I initially got sick and we talked about it, he said he needed time and he would get there, but this was hard.
So, we went to Valentine’s dinner and he proceeded to have SIX cocktails! At the end of the dinner, he kissed me goodbye the way you would kiss your grandmother. We walked separate ways to our cars and left. I was sitting in my car and thought…wait a minute. That was a weird kiss to be given on Valentine’s Day AND…you are my boyfriend…aren’t you supposed to come home with me and spend the night? (Sorry mom!) Why are we not going home together? So, I called to see if he was okay.
He didn’t answer.
I thought should I follow him home and make sure he is okay?
Then that thing in a woman’s gut when you KNOW something is not right.
You have to make that decision. Do I want to stay in the dark with my blinders on or do I want to rip off the band-aid and let that wound get some air and heal? Or maybe it is nothing ,but either way…I needed to find out.
What happened next was NOT even on my radar. AT ALL!!!!
I got to his house. I knocked on the door and walked in and he was on the phone. He said I love you.
I LOVE YOU!!
And hung up and turned around to face me.
I said, “Was that your kids? Were you telling them goodnight?”
His reply was NO…
I felt like a wrecking ball came out of nowhere and nailed me.
I lost my vocabulary.
I lost the wind in my sails.
I slouched down to the couch.
I couldn’t think.
I couldn’t speak.
I was stunned.
“You met someone else?”
“Yes,” he replied.
“You met someone else?”
The only thing I could say and did say was, “I can’t believe you did this to me!”
Literally, I was like a broken record. It was the only thing I could say. The only thing I did say.
I stood up and walked to the door.
He put his hand on my shoulder.
I moved it so it would fall down.
He may have said words, but it sounded like Charlie Brown’s schoolteacher.
I do remember him saying something like he wasn’t sure about her and he in essence wanted to see if he wanted her or me and then I got my voice.
Okay, THREE words.
I AM DONE!
I walked out the door.
I got in my car.
I thought Valentine’s Day couldn’t get any worse.
I drove off.
I called my mom.
I called one of my closest friends at the time.
I wanted to throw up.
It was the nail in the coffin on Valentine’s Day!
Here’s the thing.
It was the BEST thing that could EVER happened to me!!!
It did take a while for my heart to realize it. My head got there pretty fast for a LOT of reasons!!!
He was a REALLY bad guy!
I dodged a bullet.
I would have been miserable.
I probably would be divorced by now, if I had married him.
I am so fricking lucky!
I know this is overkill, but you all need to know.
I am good.
But it really made me dislike Valentine’s Day more than I already had.
It was a horrible, horrible, painful night!
In the end, he married the girl he cheated on me with.
I have NO idea how long he was cheating on me, but in retrospect, I have an idea. And I ended up with Dulce, my dog and a LOT of REALLY great friends!!! I REALLY was the lucky one!!
That is why I don’t like Valentine’s Day!!!
It no longer hurts because of him, but he added pain to an already painful holiday.